I’m speaking to all the women who say “I haven’t got money” and expect that to be an acceptable excuse to justify staying where they are.
Now, while I am specifically speaking to women in abusive relationships, it is only because my experience with this lesson comes from abusive relationships – mine and my client’s. Effectively this advice applies to any person in any situation that they are wanting to move way from, but are using finances as an excuse to stay where they are.
It is necessary to keep in mind that as human beings we only move and effect change in our lives for two reasons.
They are pain and pleasure.
We will move away from something when the pain is too much and we will move towards something when the anticipated pleasure inspires us.
We move away from pain and we move towards pleasure.
Think of moving your hand away from an open flame but moving towards the warmth of a fire on a cold winter’s night.
Now apply this to staying in an abusive relationship and you will see that we will leave only when the pain of where we are, becomes too much for us to deal with, or because the vision we have of where we are going is sufficiently detailed and inspiring to get us moving towards it.
From personal experience, I can tell you that having a vision of where you are going isn’t going to do it.
If you didn’t leave the first time he swore at you, or the first time he gave you a clout, or the first time he tormented you, you are not going to leave until the pain is too much. (Unless of course you read this article and catch a wake up – for which I will be eternally grateful!)
I knew that the time was going to come when I would have to leave my abuser. I knew this with cold hard certainty when my oldest child was still in nappies.
By the time I left, she was 9 years old.
I left because the pain had become too much for me to deal with anymore.
I left with nothing. I put my children and clothes in the car and I left.
So essentially, between the time I knew I had to leave and the time I did leave, was seven years.
Seven years to face up to reality and start planning. Seven years to put money aside. Seven years to accept that I would be leaving and to plan for it.
So, while I understand the fear of not having money once you have left, I would like to ask you what are you doing to change that situation? Because the day will come when the pain is too much. And then you are going to run – whether you have money or not. Start planning now. So that when you do run – you have something to run to.
My heart is with you.
I know your terror.
The day will come.