You cannot love him normal

hands passing flower

 

When I ask my clients why they waited as long as they did before they left their hell-on-earth relationship, they tell me it was because they loved him.

And because they wanted to believe him when he apologised and promised never to do it again.

And because they hoped that this time it was true. And all I can say to them is “I know”.

Because I do know.

I know what it feels like to want to believe more than anything else that this time, when he said he wasn’t ever going to call you a fat, useless fuck again, he meant it.

I know what it feels like to want to believe with every fibre of your bruised and aching body that when he says he’ll never lift his hand again, he means it.

But I also know that for as long as you keep hoping, you’ll keep being disappointed. I know that you don’t want to hear this.

But I feel that if I don’t make it clear then I am letting you down.

He will never stop insulting you.

He will never stop hurting you – whether it is physical or not.

He will never stop making you doubt yourself.

He will never stop manipulating you.

YOU CANNOT LOVE HIM NORMAL.

When you have stopped hoping and are ready to start rebuilding your life, your dignity and your self-esteem, I’ll be here for you.

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