I came across this quote of Timber Hawkeye’s earlier today and it struck me as being so relevant to all those women who are still stuck in an abusive relationship.
And of course, after I started thinking about it I realised it could be applied to a variety of different situations but with this article, I am focusing specifically on its application to domestic violence.
Timber Hawkeye says: “You can’t calm the storm, so stop trying.”
And as sad as what this is it is also one of the truest things that I have read about domestic violence. It doesn’t matter what you do, he is always going to be the arsehole who thinks he can do with you as he likes.
Please read my words, and know, from one who lived with it for more than ten years, there is NOTHING you can do that will change him.
It doesn’t matter how much you try to mould yourself to match the image of the perfect woman he carries around in his head, it doesn’t matter if you change yourself to such an extent that your own family would not recognise you – all to win his love, you will not succeed.
He will always be an abuser whose favourite sport is to make you as unhappy as possible.
You thought you were entering a warm and loving relationship? No, darling.
What you did was become a pawn in a game without knowing the rules. And let me tell you there is only one rule – to make you as miserable and as unhappy as possible. So please, please stop trying.
You are wasting your energy and your efforts.
Timber Hawkeye goes on to say: “What you can do is calm yourself” And therein lies the truth of the matter.
The only person you can change is yourself. The only person you can ever take responsibility for is yourself.
You can only be responsible for your actions – never his.
So sweetie, I have to ask you now, and please know that I am asking with all the love in the world.
When he hits you, and he torments you, and he lies to you, and he makes you think you’re losing your mind, what is the action that you take saying about you?
Is it saying that you are worthy and special and someone who is to be loved and treasured?
Or is it saying that he can treat you however he wants because you do not value yourself?
In other words, are you getting ready to leave or are you getting ready to survive?
Are you accepting responsibility for your life?
Are you calming yourself or still trying to calm the storm?